Shall we remove the penis? And put sutures down the front? Oh look its swelling at the thought”. Nurse sniffs his breath. “Oh dear you do stink of piss you dirty little bitch”. “There’s a bit of swelling lower down. I think we’re correct in our diagnosis of terminal debauchery”. “There’s only one cure - our hammer and nail treatment. That should stop masturbation for at least a week”. We are going to use the love board. Lets sterilise the patient - it will get rid of the smell”.